Alright guys, for real I need to start writing on here more regularly. I really have placed it aside and I regret that very much. I apologize to those of you that are shy to write a comment and that have read my posts. I really didn't mean to take this much time off at ALL! A lot has happened since last april, so I will update you quickly.
Since the passing of my family member, I did relapse for some period of time, I had to go to a psychiatrist, and was very open this time about what I was feeling, why I wanted to get better and why I was willing to work WITH him as opposed to AGAINST him, since I knew it was in my best interest.
I finally started my placement from my social work degree last september, and am working at a rehabilitation centre for youth with addictions to substances. It has been a fantastic experience and has definitely changed my views on those people that have had to suffer addictions due to different circumstances. I have learned so much from those youth, and as I have told them personally, they are some of the strongest people I know.
Recently, I have been rediagnosed with cyclothymia (which is very similar to Bipolar II if some of you know that). And sadly to say, symptoms of my eating disorder have resurfaced, but again as with my relapse last year, I am soo determined to ask for help when I need it. I have the skills and willingness to work through this battle and I now that each one of you going through your own battles deserve to learn these skills as well. Asking for help is not WRONG. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.
It is OKAY to not be okay, to feel whatever you are feeling. If you are having a good day, EMBRACE IT, if you are not, talk to someone about it. Someone that will understand or at least potentially be able to understand. If that person is not someone you can talk to face to face, try phoning them. If that is not possible either, seek out "strangers" that care. I am one of those "strangers". I do not expect you at all to feel fantastic after talking, but I do promise I won't leave.
Remember that everyone deserves to be loved even if that love can only be felt through a screen.
Xoxo,
Girl :)
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
One step back...Two steps forward
Hi everyone:
I thought I would write today because things have changed a bit in the past month since I last updated this blog. I am now half way through my degree, dealing with a loss in the family, just finished writing many final exams, etc. It's been a little hectic.
What I wanted to share was that in any type of recovery, it is normal (and completely okay) to have to take (either by force or choice) one step back in order to take a two steps forward afterwards. It might sound like it is double the energy for recovery, and it is true, it is a constant fight.
I want to share this because last friday I had a panic attack. Even though I am well on my road to recovery, this was something that I completely did not see coming at all. It has been almost 4 years since my last one, and I must admit I did not fully remember what it felt like. I know the trigger of it though (two final exams the next day for a total of 7 hours of exam writing). However, it completely took me by surprise because I have been writing exams most of my life ( and definitely more important ones too!) and I have never experienced this before it. I wanted to share my feelings and leave it open for any questions anyone might have.
It was a feeling of the room closing in on you, and not being able to breathe. I knew I was stressed, but I was panicking and my rational self was scared because it didnt know why I was panicking so much. Obviously, as tears came, I had to step out of my books for a while, even though I desperately needed to study. My parents tried talking to me, but all it did was make me more anxious. I felt like the world depended on my doing good on my exams the next day (not the other ones, just those two). It was a horrible feeling.
Having had a few days now after the experience, I can reflect that this definitely took me a step back in my recovery because of the surprise element of it. However, I am determined to get back on my feet and fight this constant battle with my inner self. It is a day to day thing, and one that I have been learning to deal with.
If you have recently experienced something that has made you feel like a "failure" in your recovery, do not let those thoughts in. Because even if you constantly are taking a step back and two steps forward constantly, you are PROGRESSING!
What you need to remember (and which many people forget or ignore) is that SLOW PROGRESS IS STILL PROGRESS!
Please send me any questions you might have
Love you,
Girl
I thought I would write today because things have changed a bit in the past month since I last updated this blog. I am now half way through my degree, dealing with a loss in the family, just finished writing many final exams, etc. It's been a little hectic.
What I wanted to share was that in any type of recovery, it is normal (and completely okay) to have to take (either by force or choice) one step back in order to take a two steps forward afterwards. It might sound like it is double the energy for recovery, and it is true, it is a constant fight.
I want to share this because last friday I had a panic attack. Even though I am well on my road to recovery, this was something that I completely did not see coming at all. It has been almost 4 years since my last one, and I must admit I did not fully remember what it felt like. I know the trigger of it though (two final exams the next day for a total of 7 hours of exam writing). However, it completely took me by surprise because I have been writing exams most of my life ( and definitely more important ones too!) and I have never experienced this before it. I wanted to share my feelings and leave it open for any questions anyone might have.
It was a feeling of the room closing in on you, and not being able to breathe. I knew I was stressed, but I was panicking and my rational self was scared because it didnt know why I was panicking so much. Obviously, as tears came, I had to step out of my books for a while, even though I desperately needed to study. My parents tried talking to me, but all it did was make me more anxious. I felt like the world depended on my doing good on my exams the next day (not the other ones, just those two). It was a horrible feeling.
Having had a few days now after the experience, I can reflect that this definitely took me a step back in my recovery because of the surprise element of it. However, I am determined to get back on my feet and fight this constant battle with my inner self. It is a day to day thing, and one that I have been learning to deal with.
If you have recently experienced something that has made you feel like a "failure" in your recovery, do not let those thoughts in. Because even if you constantly are taking a step back and two steps forward constantly, you are PROGRESSING!
What you need to remember (and which many people forget or ignore) is that SLOW PROGRESS IS STILL PROGRESS!
Please send me any questions you might have
Love you,
Girl
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
How To Deal With Anxiety
Hi everybody:
I am now energized and motivated to keep up with my blog! There is so much I want to say but for now I'll take it slow.
I have had a lot of people in my life recently dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. It runs in my family as well, so I've experienced it, although not very many times (the attacks that is). Because I am in university, anxiety is something I have to deal with on a regular if not daily basis.
Here are some of the things that help me destress whenever I feel anxious.
1) Having taken neuroscience I know that the main hormone involved in stress is called cortisol. I dont want to make this a science class, but long story short, when you are stressed your body releases cortisol that goes into your brain and puts your body into the "fight or flight" response. When the body goes into this state it shuts off the front part of your brain (which is involved in rational decisions, executive functions, etc). Pretty much your "intelligence". If it shuts off, you are waaay more likely to make irrational decisions and the neurons in the front part of your brain if they are shut off for long enough, will start to die. MY POINT IS, when I'm stressed, I think of how i'm killing my neurons and those can't come back. This puts me in the "mental" state of not being stressed.
2) After I think about that, I do deep-breathing exercises. The great thing about this, is that no one has to know you are doing it (even if you are in class or something). I fixed my eyes on something and slowly deep breathe. I usually count 7 missisipis in and 7 out for each breath, and I stop when I realize my breathing flows naturally.
3) At this point, I am in a better place. Breathing sends oxygen to my brain, which makes the brain calm down. But if I can, I listen to relaxing music. I have a channel on youtube that I absolutely LOVE! it's kmusiclife and anything by him is amazing! he combines relaxing music with nature sounds.
4) If I am home, I make myself some herbal tea (caffeine is an absolute no no!). I concentrate on the drinking and the smell of the tea.
5) If that doesn't work, journalling is a good option for me as well.
6) if it's during the day and nice out, go for a walk while doing deep breathing exercises
Now, I AM in university, so I know that sometimes while I'm trying to destress myself, I get more stressed thinking about the things I should be doing as opposed to destressing myself. What I have to say about that is: forget it! You cannot and will not be able to do anything unless you are in a mental state where you can concentrate. If you are worried about a test/exam/assignment that is due soon, talk to your teacher/professor and explain that you;ve been dealing with anxiety lately. They usually are very understanding as they are (believe it or not) humans as well. If this is something that is interfering extremely with your day to day activities, I would recommend going and seeing a doctor/counsellor/social worker/psychologist.
Usually, schools and universities have programs or alternatives for those who are dealing with severe stress and can make arrangements for you.
Remember, there are VERY few things more important than your well-being! So never push it off and think you will deal with it later! Been there, done that. Not good.
Take care, remember you are beautiful, and that whatever you are dealing with will pass!! :)
Love,
Girl
I am now energized and motivated to keep up with my blog! There is so much I want to say but for now I'll take it slow.
I have had a lot of people in my life recently dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. It runs in my family as well, so I've experienced it, although not very many times (the attacks that is). Because I am in university, anxiety is something I have to deal with on a regular if not daily basis.
Here are some of the things that help me destress whenever I feel anxious.
1) Having taken neuroscience I know that the main hormone involved in stress is called cortisol. I dont want to make this a science class, but long story short, when you are stressed your body releases cortisol that goes into your brain and puts your body into the "fight or flight" response. When the body goes into this state it shuts off the front part of your brain (which is involved in rational decisions, executive functions, etc). Pretty much your "intelligence". If it shuts off, you are waaay more likely to make irrational decisions and the neurons in the front part of your brain if they are shut off for long enough, will start to die. MY POINT IS, when I'm stressed, I think of how i'm killing my neurons and those can't come back. This puts me in the "mental" state of not being stressed.
2) After I think about that, I do deep-breathing exercises. The great thing about this, is that no one has to know you are doing it (even if you are in class or something). I fixed my eyes on something and slowly deep breathe. I usually count 7 missisipis in and 7 out for each breath, and I stop when I realize my breathing flows naturally.
3) At this point, I am in a better place. Breathing sends oxygen to my brain, which makes the brain calm down. But if I can, I listen to relaxing music. I have a channel on youtube that I absolutely LOVE! it's kmusiclife and anything by him is amazing! he combines relaxing music with nature sounds.
4) If I am home, I make myself some herbal tea (caffeine is an absolute no no!). I concentrate on the drinking and the smell of the tea.
5) If that doesn't work, journalling is a good option for me as well.
6) if it's during the day and nice out, go for a walk while doing deep breathing exercises
Now, I AM in university, so I know that sometimes while I'm trying to destress myself, I get more stressed thinking about the things I should be doing as opposed to destressing myself. What I have to say about that is: forget it! You cannot and will not be able to do anything unless you are in a mental state where you can concentrate. If you are worried about a test/exam/assignment that is due soon, talk to your teacher/professor and explain that you;ve been dealing with anxiety lately. They usually are very understanding as they are (believe it or not) humans as well. If this is something that is interfering extremely with your day to day activities, I would recommend going and seeing a doctor/counsellor/social worker/psychologist.
Usually, schools and universities have programs or alternatives for those who are dealing with severe stress and can make arrangements for you.
Remember, there are VERY few things more important than your well-being! So never push it off and think you will deal with it later! Been there, done that. Not good.
Take care, remember you are beautiful, and that whatever you are dealing with will pass!! :)
Love,
Girl
Sunday, October 30, 2011
In a year a lot changes...
So I have been recently looking back on my life in the past few years (even if I am still young :P) But I realized that in one year I have really changed. A year ago, I was very depressed, now I enjoy life. I enjoy the little things that make me happy. I have a wonderful family and a wonderful boyfriend to help me if something gets to me because even if I am a lot happier, depression, an eating disorder and anxiety are daily battles. And before I would let them control myself, but now I control them. And the biggest self-help has been me being able to ask for help when I need it.
You know what? It's ok to say: "Actually, I cant take on this or that. Or I really need to just relax for a day". Self-care is the best thing! If you are thinking: "Yeah, but you dont have the pressure to get good marks for school, or get into that great university you want to, or whatever it is"....actually, I do, I have to keep good marks to keep my scholarship for university. But you know what? What good is those grades or that university, if you are not there for it? Who will be honest with you if you are not honest with yourself first? Or say you want to help someone who is in a similar situation as you, how can you help someone if you are not healthy yourself?
Its a great self-analysis, which is why I can honestly say that I think I am fit to help. I have never been happier and healthier in my life. In fact, I can prove it! I went to my eating disorder doctor and he said next visit is my last visit! woohoo for me! I dont have to go there on a regular basis anymore! It feels great!! Like I'm finally finding the missing puzzle pieces of my life!!
If any of you feel like your life is about to crumble down from underneath you, please dont hesitate in contacting me, I would love to try and help you, or even if you just want to vent.
I am here for you.
You are not alone!
Take care.
You guys are all beautiful!!
You know what? It's ok to say: "Actually, I cant take on this or that. Or I really need to just relax for a day". Self-care is the best thing! If you are thinking: "Yeah, but you dont have the pressure to get good marks for school, or get into that great university you want to, or whatever it is"....actually, I do, I have to keep good marks to keep my scholarship for university. But you know what? What good is those grades or that university, if you are not there for it? Who will be honest with you if you are not honest with yourself first? Or say you want to help someone who is in a similar situation as you, how can you help someone if you are not healthy yourself?
Its a great self-analysis, which is why I can honestly say that I think I am fit to help. I have never been happier and healthier in my life. In fact, I can prove it! I went to my eating disorder doctor and he said next visit is my last visit! woohoo for me! I dont have to go there on a regular basis anymore! It feels great!! Like I'm finally finding the missing puzzle pieces of my life!!
If any of you feel like your life is about to crumble down from underneath you, please dont hesitate in contacting me, I would love to try and help you, or even if you just want to vent.
I am here for you.
You are not alone!
Take care.
You guys are all beautiful!!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Sorry!
Hey guys! Sorry for not posting before. I have honestly not had any chance to, since I moved to Dominican for 2 months. But now I am almost home. Anyways, I should get back to regular posting suuuper soon!
A lot has happened since we last "talked". I found the love of my life and now I can say I am very happy finally. Took a VERY long time, mind you, although I do still have my ups and downs, I love him and he loves me back.
Its interesting to take a look at the why you fall in love or what you look for in someone after you have been through the emotional rollercoaster of many years. You always hope for that one person who will understand you, the one you always dream of, who can read you even when you say you are ok when you are dying inside. Someone who calls you beautiful when you are a mess. Someone who just loves to be around you under a sky full of stars. Someone who says you are the best thing that has happened to them. Someone who is willing to wait for you even if you say you are not ready.
Its so many amazing things that most of us give up looking because we fear its impossible. But then when that person appears out of nowhere, it feels like a dream. A dream that you are waiting to wake up from because its too good to be true. But then the person you fall in love with proves to you why this is real and can work, and I can assure you, its a BEAUTIFUL feeling.
It's just amazing to be in love.
But I'm not gonna lie, I'm still scared after everything that has happened lately in the past few years.
I love you guys.!!!!
xoxo
Girl
A lot has happened since we last "talked". I found the love of my life and now I can say I am very happy finally. Took a VERY long time, mind you, although I do still have my ups and downs, I love him and he loves me back.
Its interesting to take a look at the why you fall in love or what you look for in someone after you have been through the emotional rollercoaster of many years. You always hope for that one person who will understand you, the one you always dream of, who can read you even when you say you are ok when you are dying inside. Someone who calls you beautiful when you are a mess. Someone who just loves to be around you under a sky full of stars. Someone who says you are the best thing that has happened to them. Someone who is willing to wait for you even if you say you are not ready.
Its so many amazing things that most of us give up looking because we fear its impossible. But then when that person appears out of nowhere, it feels like a dream. A dream that you are waiting to wake up from because its too good to be true. But then the person you fall in love with proves to you why this is real and can work, and I can assure you, its a BEAUTIFUL feeling.
It's just amazing to be in love.
But I'm not gonna lie, I'm still scared after everything that has happened lately in the past few years.
I love you guys.!!!!
xoxo
Girl
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Take chances
Take chances; life is not fun without them! If you mess up at least you have learned something. You have to take the good with the bad and happy with the sad. Learn from your mistakes, but never regret. People change, things go wrong, just remember life goes on. So take too many pictures, laugh too hard and love like you've never been hurt, cause every minute you spend mad or upset...is a minute of happiness you will never get back. <3
I love you.
Girl
I love you.
Girl
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Making this last for longer
Do you ever get those times when you think you are feeling a little bit better but then you get scared you might actually get out of your comfort zone (with whatever it may be, depression, eating disorder, etc) and you freak out because you start realizing you might start feeling.....ew what's that word called? Happy? Is that what everyone calls it?
Well, to be honest, I was there too. For me depression was a comfort zone, it was all I had ever known for a long time, and since I was so used to it, the idea of getting out of it scared me! I didnt know what I was going to do! Everyone kept telling me that is what going to get better (you know what people say) but I was more worried about not being able to fit in in this "happy" world.
I'm going to be honest, the "transition" period between chronic depression and being ok (actually ok) is a bumpy one. I wouldnt know if I was getting better or worse, but eventually one day you realized you feel better! you might feel happy! It's ridiculous! but it happens!
BUT that being said it wasnt my environment or the things or people around me which made me get "better"...it was me. I decided I was tired of being sad all the time, and I forced myself to eat healthy. That was when the "bumpier" road started, but so many things I told to myself to keep me going. I wanted to get out of this! You know why? Because I wanted to help others who are going through what I was going through. It is such a difficult time! I know, but I want to be there....I want to be a listening ear. I know how important that was for ME, so I knew I HAD to help others. It's in me....
I worry so much about you, each and every one of you. Because I feel your pain, I know what it's like to be a teenager, because I'm one! Who better than a youth to know what a youth-friendly person means?
The looks, the feelings, etc....all of that matters!
But no matter what anyone tells you, you are beautiful!
NO MATTER WHAT THAT PERSON YOU ARE THINKING OF TELLS YOU <3
I love you
Girl <3
Email me if you want to talk :)
tweetie_girl20@yahoo.com
I'm here to listen.
Well, to be honest, I was there too. For me depression was a comfort zone, it was all I had ever known for a long time, and since I was so used to it, the idea of getting out of it scared me! I didnt know what I was going to do! Everyone kept telling me that is what going to get better (you know what people say) but I was more worried about not being able to fit in in this "happy" world.
I'm going to be honest, the "transition" period between chronic depression and being ok (actually ok) is a bumpy one. I wouldnt know if I was getting better or worse, but eventually one day you realized you feel better! you might feel happy! It's ridiculous! but it happens!
BUT that being said it wasnt my environment or the things or people around me which made me get "better"...it was me. I decided I was tired of being sad all the time, and I forced myself to eat healthy. That was when the "bumpier" road started, but so many things I told to myself to keep me going. I wanted to get out of this! You know why? Because I wanted to help others who are going through what I was going through. It is such a difficult time! I know, but I want to be there....I want to be a listening ear. I know how important that was for ME, so I knew I HAD to help others. It's in me....
I worry so much about you, each and every one of you. Because I feel your pain, I know what it's like to be a teenager, because I'm one! Who better than a youth to know what a youth-friendly person means?
The looks, the feelings, etc....all of that matters!
But no matter what anyone tells you, you are beautiful!
NO MATTER WHAT THAT PERSON YOU ARE THINKING OF TELLS YOU <3
I love you
Girl <3
Email me if you want to talk :)
tweetie_girl20@yahoo.com
I'm here to listen.
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