Hi everyone:
I thought I would write today because things have changed a bit in the past month since I last updated this blog. I am now half way through my degree, dealing with a loss in the family, just finished writing many final exams, etc. It's been a little hectic.
What I wanted to share was that in any type of recovery, it is normal (and completely okay) to have to take (either by force or choice) one step back in order to take a two steps forward afterwards. It might sound like it is double the energy for recovery, and it is true, it is a constant fight.
I want to share this because last friday I had a panic attack. Even though I am well on my road to recovery, this was something that I completely did not see coming at all. It has been almost 4 years since my last one, and I must admit I did not fully remember what it felt like. I know the trigger of it though (two final exams the next day for a total of 7 hours of exam writing). However, it completely took me by surprise because I have been writing exams most of my life ( and definitely more important ones too!) and I have never experienced this before it. I wanted to share my feelings and leave it open for any questions anyone might have.
It was a feeling of the room closing in on you, and not being able to breathe. I knew I was stressed, but I was panicking and my rational self was scared because it didnt know why I was panicking so much. Obviously, as tears came, I had to step out of my books for a while, even though I desperately needed to study. My parents tried talking to me, but all it did was make me more anxious. I felt like the world depended on my doing good on my exams the next day (not the other ones, just those two). It was a horrible feeling.
Having had a few days now after the experience, I can reflect that this definitely took me a step back in my recovery because of the surprise element of it. However, I am determined to get back on my feet and fight this constant battle with my inner self. It is a day to day thing, and one that I have been learning to deal with.
If you have recently experienced something that has made you feel like a "failure" in your recovery, do not let those thoughts in. Because even if you constantly are taking a step back and two steps forward constantly, you are PROGRESSING!
What you need to remember (and which many people forget or ignore) is that SLOW PROGRESS IS STILL PROGRESS!
Please send me any questions you might have
Love you,
Girl
